Last updated: May 8, 2024
I’m guessing you are here because you are in the same boat we have been at our house, your 3-year-old won’t go to bed! It just seems like every night bedtime is a constant battle and it’s exhausting. Some popular bedtime avoidance tactics for 3-year-old’s include:
- Taking a long time to get ready for bed
- Getting out of bed after lights out
- Won’t stop talking at lights out
- Throwing a tantrum while getting ready for bed or after lights out
Sound familiar? As a mom of 3 I have been through these struggles and battles too. That’s why I am sharing my best tips and firsthand knowledge with you, so you can get through this stage as quickly as possible and finally get your 3-year-old to go to sleep and stay asleep.
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Top Reasons Your 3-Year-Old Won’t Go To Bed & Isn’t Sleeping
Before we discuss getting your 3-year-old to sleep at night, we should look at some of the things that could cause a 3-year-old to refuse to go to bed. Here are the top three things you can try to address in order to help your 3-year-old improve sleep at night.
1 – Total Hours Sleeping Per Day
The first thing you need to consider is the total amount of sleep your 3-year-old is getting. Typically, a 3-year-old requires 10 to 13 hours of sleep per day.
Around this age sleep patterns and the amount of total sleep starts to change. It’s not unusual for 3-year-old’s to have a sleep regression because of this. If your child isn’t regularly getting the amount of required sleep or sleeping more than is typical, start by adjusting to a more typical schedule.
2 – Naps
Next, you will need to look at how long and how late in the day your 3-year-old naps. If you think your toddler is getting too much sleep, then consider shortening his nap and making sure he wakes up before a certain time in the afternoon.
I always tried my best to have the nap end by 3pm (at the latest) when using a bedtime of 8pm and a wake up time of 8am. On the other end of the spectrum, your toddler could be overtired if he’s not napping.
Kids typically stop napping between 3- and 5-years-old, so that is a pretty big range. If your 3-year-old has stopped napping, but is still giving you trouble at bedtime, and is not sleeping a total of 10-13 hours, then he’s probably overtired.
I recommend not giving up on naps yet. Even if you just put your 3-year-old in bed and he has quiet time, at least he gets some down time.
In my experience, sometimes my kids would nap at this age and other times it would just be quiet time. If they needed a nap that day, they would end up eventually falling asleep (most of the time).
3 – Bedtime
Another thing that could be starting to evolve at 3-years-old is bedtime. For instance, if your child recently stopped napping, then you might try moving bedtime up an hour.
Dropping a nap is a big change. It’s a lot to ask your kid to suddenly stay up for 12-13 hours straight. Moving bedtime earlier, could help avoid one of those epic tantrums due to being overtired.
Fixing More Specific 3-Year-Old Sleep Problems
If your 3-year-old has a napping or bedtime problem, I would definitely start by addressing those issues first. But, there are other reasons that could be causing your 3-year-old sleep issues.
This can range from being afraid of the dark to your child being stubborn because he has too much fun when he’s awake. Hey, even 3-year-old’s can have FOMO!
Whatever the reason your 3-year-old won’t go to bed, there are things you can do to correct the problem. Below I am sharing tips for more specific reasons that cause 3-year-old’s to not to go to sleep.
3-Year-Old Stalling At Bedtime
All three of my children have gone through this phase. Let me tell you, as they get older it doesn’t necessarily change, but it’s easier to put a stop to their stalling.
So, what do you do if your 3-year-old just refuses to get ready for bed or refuses to let you leave the room and turn off the light? I have a couple recommendations.
First, I would start with telling your child that if they get ready for bed quickly, they will earn an extra treat the next day. You can decide what you want that to be.
Maybe it’s a special food he likes or extra time to do something fun like playing outside or watching TV. Pick something that you know will provide motivation for your child.
Next, something that has been effective for me is to make a game out of getting ready. For each step of getting ready for bed, I count to 10 and I challenge my 3-year-old.
I tell him that I don’t think he can, for example, sit on the potty within 10 seconds. And then, I start counting.
I continue counting to 10 seconds for each small step towards bedtime. He knows if he doesn’t complete his tasks that he won’t earn that extra treat tomorrow.
I will also say that I have found yelling to be completely ineffective. If anything, it just makes my kids shutdown.
You can also tell your child that if he doesn’t get ready for bed in a timely manner he will lose something he likes doing. In order for this to be effective, it is absolutely important that you follow through the next day. But personally, I like the positive reinforcement better than taking something away.
3-Year-Old Won’t Stay In Bed
What if your 3-year-old won’t stay in bed or has a tantrum at bedtime? Well, solving these problems will be similar to what is done when your 3-year-old stalls at bedtime.
I would offer an incentive like earning something extra the next day. But, if your child doesn’t listen and cries, or gets out of bed, then he loses something he likes to do.
Just make sure it’s clear what he will be earning or losing ahead of time. And that you follow through with it the next day.
I tried something recently that has helped to stop my 3-year-old from crying after lights out. Before I left his room, when I was tucking him in, I asked if he wanted to know a secret. And of course he said yes.
So, I whispered in his ear that if he stayed in bed, we could make chocolate chip cookies together the next day. To my pleasant surprise, this worked like a charm. As you can see, when you are able to add a little bit of fun along with your child trying to accomplish their goals, it seems to be more successful.
Afraid Of The Dark
I wanted to mention this common sleep problem here because it’s another potential reason your 3-year-old won’t go to bed. Some things you can try are making sure there is a nightlight in your child’s room.
You can also leave the hallway light on in your house with the door open. My kids have not been truly afraid of the dark to date, but this post has a lot of great tips on how to deal with toddlers that are afraid of the dark.
More 3-Year-Old Sleep Help
Before you go, I do want to mention and additional resource to help with 3-year-old sleep problems and put your mind at ease. If you find yourself quite stressed with your child’s sleeping issues, I highly recommend checking out this toddler sleep course.
Toddler sleep can be very tricky, but solving your problems and getting your toddler to sleep at night will be welcome relief. If you need that extra boost of help, that’s when I recommend the toddler sleep course that was created by a mom and certified pediatric sleep consultant. If you need help with any of the following items, then this guide is totally worth it!
- Toddler bedtime battles
- Getting rid of the pacifier
- Stopping co-sleeping with your toddler
- Toddler not staying in bed
- Toddler night wakings
- Transitioning from the crib to a bed
In my opinion, anything that helps me and my kids get better sleep is 100% worth the investment. Plus, the reviews for this guide are just outstanding!
If your 3-year-old won’t go to bed, try the tips above!
To summarize, if your 3-year-old is giving you a hard time at night, start by analyzing your child’s total sleep for the day, as well as, the timing of naps and bedtime. Start by addressing those issues. However, it wouldn’t be unusual if your 3-year-old still fights you at bedtime.
In that case, you can offer incentives that will get your toddler to listen. Or, you can tell your child he will have something taken away if he doesn’t listen. This will only be effective if you follow through the next day.
Be sure to explain why your child has earned or lost something. Continue to offer these incentives until your 3-year-old’s bad bedtime habits have disappeared.
I hope this post has given you some good ideas for solving the problem of your 3-year-old not going to bed. Good luck and soon enough you will be on track to good sleeping habits with your 3-year-old.
